HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY IBU

Happy Mother's Day.

I can only imagine what it feels like to be a mother. To carry a child in me for 9 months, breast-feed, cook, feed, raise,  giving birth, shower them, cleanup their pee & poo, guide, bear all their cries tantrums, educate, nursing during sickness and an endless list of errands. I will never know what my mother had to go through raising us 6 children.. and a son whom was terminally-sick and rebellious. No one can ever describe a mother's undivided love and care.

I had a short stint of single parenthood after my divorce and MasyaAllah, I now understand the sacrifices, commitment and dedication of a mother and I am sure my understanding of what mothers do, is really a tiny small fraction of the actual reality. I can speak with experience from that short stint, that it would really take a person to be called a mother. It is seriously not an easy responsibility and is very challenging. 

That short stint made me appreciate my mother even more. I have one handsome and macho son (at the moment) and my mother have 6 stubborn, hard-headed, temperamental and emotional (but handsome and pretty) children. All with a mix of different characters and all are abit on the extreme (whether good or bad) but she loves her children equally and unconditionally. Her world, was only the children (and of course Dad). 

So Ibu, Happy Mother's Day:

Ibu, 

Throughout my journey in life...

I know I have disappointed you, 

I know I have broken your heart,

I know I have failed you so many times, 

I know you have shred so much tears for me

and I know, at times I was not there for you..

... I am sorry & regretted for all the past mistakes.

Ibu, 

Thank you for always giving me face;

Thank you for never turning your face away;

Thank you for never giving up on me;

Thank you for always & still being there for me;

Thank you for always giving me hope and all the aspiration in life;

Ibu,

I cherish all the upbringing moments and remembers all the celebrations we had on my every birthdays and treasures every seconds when you were by my bed while I was bedridden for months in hospital in London. 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY ANNY

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY Anny, 

On your first Mother's Day celebration, Anny this message is for you...

For someone who had never given birth nor have or raise any child... You are a fantastic Mother. 

I can only imagine how hard it is for you to adjust yourself into being an instant mother and a wife at the same time. I see and feel all the effort made.

You are from a completely different upbringing, a different lifestyle and from a different culture but you adapt well into our way of life, our home and our values, away from your own family.

Both Aaraf and I appreciate your patience and time to learn and understand us especially with our differences in culture, preference for food and bedtime. 

You have been an inspiration and a motivation in our daily life. You always cheer us up and bring smiles into our daily routine.

I love how you would even skipped 1000 skips a day to motivate Aaraf in his quest to lose weight and even went jogging just for Aaraf; although you hate running. We love how you would share many stories, games and magic trick just to entertained and keep Aaraf occupied. Thank you for all the food, care and love you have given us. Thank you for accepting Aaraf as your own son.

2ND VISIT AT THE KL FERTILITY CENTRE

We left Dato Dr Prashant Nadkarni practice on 2 May 2014 with a high hope of having a baby without having to go through the IVF or ICSI. According to Dr Prashant, male fertility can either improved or worsens after a high doses of chemotherapy & radiotherapy (even after 25 years) and the only way to determine it, is via a semen test which was suppose to be done during the first visit but I could not DIY in the toilet. (Read: First-Visit HERE)

So we scheduled impatiently for the semen test to be done today, 5 May 2014 at the convenient and the comfort of our home. I woke up this morning feeling overwhelmed. Like any other fathers, I want a big family and the thought of a big family at the dinner table everynight and at gatherings during festive seasons was simply indescribable.

After err... ejaculating into the sterilized bottle, we quickly rushed to the KL Fertility Centre and waited for the result scheduled at the fix appointment 1:15pm. We left for Nandos half chicken breast and Steamboat at the Ikano during the 2 hours waiting and arrived back at the KL Fertility Center at 12:50pm.

After more than an hour of waiting, half asleep we were called in by the nurse to meet Dr Prashant. For a moment in-waiting, I was cursing the government hospital thinking, private hospitals had picked-up the non-punctuality and long waiting for patience during the compulsory 2 years requirement for all doctors to work at the government upon graduation. We would think, private practice would be more professional and punctual in patients booking time and management. Maybe they should have "customer management" as a module during medical undergraduate study. This non-punctual waiting time has to improved. In boredom, we capitalize the waiting-time with a selfie....

WHEN HARD WORK FAILED, WORK SMART AT THE KL FERTILITY CENTRE

After a few months of hardwork without success, we heed my sister Dr Teratai Edithy Pahamin's  recommendation to meet Dato Dr Prashant Nadkarni MBBS(Mal) FRCOG(UK) at the KL Fertility centre. Conventional means of hard work does not equate to having a baby for post bone marrow transplant patient (for Chronic Myeloid Leukemia) like me although it has been 25 years (this year). The chemotherapy and total body irradiation (TBI) had a lifelong effect in fertility. I am blessed miraculously to have survived the terminal cancer and to be blessed with a healthy and a great son, Aaraf Armin but given the opportunity I want children enough to form a football team... Okay, that may be abit too ambitious but I dream of having a few extra; maybe 4.

I called on 29 April 2014, made an appointment and met Dato Dr Prashant on 2 May 2014 at the KL Fertility Centre, Wisma Perintis 47 Jalan Dungun, Wisma Perintis, 50490 Kuala Lumpur. The registration being a first timer was quite simple and straight forward. Waiting time was approximately 40 minutes from the fix appointment time which was errr... okay for a desperate to be a father of a football team.

Anny and I entered the room and met Dr Prashant for the first time. In the room there were Dr Helena and a nurse. He was professional and explained what we needed to know. We were escorted into the examination room next door. Anny was not comfortable at first and almost requested for a female doctor but she was pleased when it was actually a female doctor and a nurse that examined her. Dr Prashant read and professionally interpreted the scan. The scan and examination shows Anny was healthy, ready and potentially able to produced 13 eggs...

A NEW JOURNEY. LIFE BEGINS AT 40..

A HISTORIC DATE, 1 MARCH 2014. 25 YEARS POST-CML, 40 YEARS OLD AND RE-MARRIED.

It was not an easy journey for me to reach this age. In fact, it is a big achievement for me to be able to reach the age of 40 from once, expected to only live for 3 years. I have gone through various challenges with studies, health, businesses, friends and even marriage. When I was an undergraduate, I had to defer my graduation when I failed a subject having had a relapse of my leukemia during my final year university. Born in a family where there is nothing more important than education, the feeling of having to re-take a subject was almost similar to death.  But I graduated from Buckingham University before I turn 21 years old. Yes, I expedited my studies with intensive degree course because I wanted to start working and start making money but there is no way I can do that without a degree (force majeure by/but thanks to dad). 

My health first failed me and took half of my teens away being in hospital while all other teenagers were having a time of their life. My health failed me again during my final year university but from being bed-ridden, now I have ran 9 full marathons, 1 ultra marathons and countless less-than-a-marathon distance races. I have also climbed Mt Kinabalu thrice and many other one day trip peaks.

Before I turned 40, I have also graduated from the school of hard knocks having gone through 2 recessions as a businessman (which I sweat and cried blood) and many failed business ventures but now I am a proud owner of a few successful establishments. I have been betrayed by business partners and my right wing senior people, cheated by people I cared and taken for a ride by many but it gave more meaning to the few that are still around and is enough to replace them all. I have lived my life chasing dreams which had costs me my first marriage and I have learn to cook, mop the floor, raise a child, do own laundry and especially be a better person.... all this experience gained during the Duda-hood being a divorcee.

Everything in our life happens for a reason.

From the failed health, studies, business and marriage, I became that person that you befriend today. I would not have made it without the support, encouragement and understanding especially from my parents, sisters and brother (I cant stress enough the power of family supports). There is nothing more important than a strong family relationship. I have to say thank you too to Miss Kimi aka CML aka Chronic Myeloid Leukemia whom has taught me the essence of living and the importance of time. If I never went through that relationship with Kimi, I would never see life the way I do now but please don't come back, stay away from me.

NEW YEAR EVE WITH SERAMBI EMAS AT KUALA LUMPUR TOWER

A last minute invitation from Serambi Emas, where my father is the Chairman landed us at the Kuala Lumpur tower for a corporate party to end the year 2013. Serambi Emas is a company principally involved in the trading of gold bars and gold bullion. While Azhar Sulaiman and the battalion from the 3rd infantry/generation awaits the midnight countdown at Bustanu Pahamin with various firework, we had a good dinner dining with a birds eye view of Kuala Lumpur. The plan was to be home before the new year.

Serambi Emas alike most of us, has its own New Year resolution and the KL Tower was chosen in line with its resolution to be at the top above everything else. We must have resolutions every year. Without it, every year will be just another year and a year that is lost, will be gone forever. We cannot turn back time but we can make the best of the future if we carefully plan with a resolution.

(Click on picture to enlarge).

A NEW BEGINNING

Most of the time I struggled juggling with the scarcity of time to write but this once, I struggled with a mental block with no pressure for time to complete. I know exactly what to write but searching for the right and proper word to avoid any misunderstanding seemed so complicated.

Yes, Nawal Aini Zulkifli and I are officially divorced on our 13th Anniversary on 23 July 2013. Coincidentally, the hearing date was given by Shariah Court after I submitted and filed for the application.

We both decided to end our marriage having grown further apart but we remained to be in good terms. Nawal and I both agree that we should not stay in a marriage and be unhappy, and deprived each other from happiness as well as from the love that the future may bring.

There were no regret in that marriage. I cherished that every moment since I courted her while she was an undergraduate at the University, and all her care and love while we were married. All the ups and down as a husband and wife shall be a valuable and a priceless lesson to both of us, to advance further in our separate life. For I am far from perfection and is full of flaws with many shortcomings.

I will always remember Nawal as a dedicated mother, a loving person and a beautiful women.

We are blessed with the best son, Aaraf which Nawal and I are both raising sincerely with pure love as a mother and father. Nawal has always been a great and a dedicated mother to Aaraf.

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED.. PART 1: ISRAEL/PALESTINE

Our traveling date were moved more than a month forward to 27 February 2013 in anticipation of the 13th general election that could be called anytime soon. It has been 24 years since I last traveled only with my parent. In the past, it will always be a mesmerizing trip with the whole battalion of at least 6 siblings (now almost triple with the in-laws and the next generation) but this trip encompasses of only me, my elder sister Chempaka Emalin and my parent for a spiritual journey to Mecca but we took a longer route via Jordan and a stop in Jerusalem, Palestine (Israel).

27 February 2013. We left Malaysia via Royal Jordanian Airlines on 27 February 2013 and arrived in Queen Alia International Airport on 28th February 2013 at 6am to be greeted by De Mawardah Travel Agent officer whom brought us for breakfast. Amman was cold!

Our first stop was for breakfast.

We had the Jordanian "Roti Canai?"... with eggs and humus. Nice? you damn right but the size of one roti is enought to feed us whole family!!

After breakfast, we continued our journey to the King Hussein bridge which was the border to Paletistine. I was fascinated with the architecture of houses and buildings in Amman.  There were all 'square' without any roof? Jordan is a country with 70% dessert but the Jordanian Dinar is a stronger currency than US Dollar.

40th DAY PRAYERS/TAHLIL FOR GREAT GRANDMOTHER AND ALLAHYARHAM(AH) RELATIVES

Me & Cousins.. and a young uncle, Zamir Daud

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un(إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ); We belong to ALLAH swt and to him we shall return.

Recent years have taken some of our senior relatives with the most recent being my great grandmother aka Moyang. Before her, was my father's only sister Hajjah Bidah Abdul Razak whom left us in August 2011 at the aged of 84. 40 days ago we lost my great grandmother at the age of 107 years old and on the 40th day, her only son and living child, Lt Gen (R) Dato Seri Daud Abu Bakar or better known as Tok Su by my generation, organised a tahlil and prayer in conjunction with the 40th Day of her passing. Tok Su whom is now 78 years old is still strong and is able to move around without a third leg (err.. Tongkat) or any assistant. His wife, also known as Tok Su is as hyper as always... but Tok Su said, he do not think he can live as long as his mother exceeding 100 years of age. 

That statement was hard for me to swallow. Losing someone close can never be easy although Islam forbids intemperate grieve for the dead and instead should and must always enjoined to say: In-naa lil-laa-hi wa in-naa I-lay-hi raa ji-`oon(We are Allah's and to Him we shall return). These words are a source of unlimited solace and comfort in bereavement. Hence it is forbidden that one should indulge in regular mourning or ostentatious grief... but I think I would just breakdown beyond words and control. I can never be prepared for the lost of any of our family members. Our family and relatives were brought up being very close and even though we are bogged down with our individual errands and career, especially with relatives whom we rarely met but we picked up where we left almost instantly the moment we meet. Such were the strong bond we all have.

MONDAY MORNING BLUES

(Blogging with iPhone)

Morning blues...

It was at 7am.. Daddy was in the car waiting for his only child Aaraf to get his socks but after almost 10 mins of waiting there was still no sign of him. So daddy got out of his car and stood infront of the entrance door feeling upset and was furious for he didnt want Aaraf to be late to school. He heard Aaraf's crying calling Daddy daddy daddy.. Thinking he was in tantrum because Daddy insisted for Aaraf to wear socks to school and Aaraf probably couldn't find his socks, Daddy screamed loudly from inside the car for Aaraf to be quick!! There was still no sign of aaraf.. so from the main door, Daddy rushed into the room ready to scold Aaraf for being late and for what he thought was in tantrum but he instead, discovered Aaraf lying on the floor with the drawer upside down by his side... "Daddy it's so painful", cried Aaraf while both his hands holding his toe that was bleeding.. with tears flowing down his red cheek.. 

"Daddy.. help me...", cried Aaraf profusely with his voice stutter in pain and face wet in tears. My heart stopped... sank... but quickly went and hugged him tight. Aaraf could not stop crying. The Wooden drawer fell on his toe breaking his nail and cut his skin. He was in pain for almost 10 minutes while I thought he was in tantrum.

ZAINAB PAHAMIN BIRTHDAY ESCAPADE AT AMAN RIMBA

What would you do for your mother on her birthday?

Alike all the years in the past, mom's birthday has always been special but this year was abit different, it was a surprised get-away! For a mother of 67 years old, she has everything that you can imagine from a beautiful house, big cars to a whole wardrobe of shoes and handbags as well as cabinets full of jewels yada yada.. on top of 6 beautiful children that is not just healthy and clever but are all so handsome/pretty and fun (aiiiks.. self marketing!). Well at least that is how she always sees us (though in real life, some of us err.. maybe abit broader and fluffier) but really, she is not wrong. Infact, she would trade everything she has for everyone to be together especially now during her old age. She think she is old but we think she is as young as us all. We wanted to even bring mom to go jogging with us. There is no better pleasure for her than that moment with her husband and all her children. Have it her way, she would want to 'paused' that every moment we are together so it can be everlasting but in reality, damn Nawal Aini, Rose Emini and me were gone as early as 5am for bootcamp then to showrooms and other sisters have to attend to court hearing, go to err.. everywhere which I too dont know where they always go.

So this year, Dr Teratai Edithy who is now back in Malaysia for good after a good 14 year in London took that responsibility to organise mother's surprise birthday get-away and she came out with this wicked idea to get all family members (with in-laws and children) to gather somewhere (but not at home) and father would secretly drive mother to that destination. After endless of research done, the destination picked was at Aman Rimba (or "peaceful Forest)!!

DAING DANIEL FITRI AND NURFUADI RUZALI

1 June 2012 is a historical and memorable date for my young partner Daing Daniel Fitri whom is also the Chief's Original Bootcamp most senior instructor. This date marked the day that Daing Daniel Fitri ended his bachelorhood to be wed his university love Nurfuadi Ruzali or more fondly known as Ody. The akad nikah ceremony was held at Ody's house that is located in Pandan Jaya. A small circle of close friends and family members were invited to share Dann's most auspicious moment and to witness the akad nikah. We were just in the nick of time before the the groom in a 5 car convoy arrived. Upon arrival, they coordinated the five trays with the dowry, gifts and presents for the bride. The five trays were carried by five beautiful ladies led by Dann's own sister Diana who is also a Taekwondo coach at the DDF Taekwondo Academy.

INSPIRATIONAL MOMENT

This morning I received a disturbing news. A friend lost his father at 3am due a heart failure.  I befriended the father Lt Col (R) Affandi  formely the Director at Kuala Lumpur Golf and Country Club and my friend Razman Affandi way back in the mid 1990s where I was courting Nawal Aini Zulkifl.  My regret and deepest condolence to Razman Affandi @ Gmey and his family for the lost.

I was a fortunate subject whom was given the privilege to experience the worst emotional roller-coaster when I was diagnosed with terminal cancer during my mid-teens. That privilege had given me a different insight into life and especially to experience the love from my parent, from each and every family members and as well as from relatives and friends. To see the sacrifices made by my parent and siblings whom we sometimes (maybe always) took for granted was heartfelt.. a moment that is still fresh in mind although it was more than two decades ago.

The video below depicted the unequivocal love from a father, the same way I received and the same that I would do for my son.

We would only know the true meaning of love when we have been tested with great obstacles and especially during the most trying moment in our life but please do not wait until a downturn to appreciate those that have been there for us since birth.. our father.

2012: THE NEW BOOK

If there was a word that can describe the year 2011, then it must be a 'learning' year. Well, we learn new things everyday but the year 2011 has taught me some very important lesson in business, life, family and friendship. I spend the countdown for the new year with my family at Bustanu. Except for Dr Teratai Edithy Pahamin and Shazrul Assari, mum and all other siblings gather for a BBQ. I was the "Master Chef" barbeque'ing seafood, lamb, chicken and multi-task'ed for Quality Control. Hence, half of those food 'disappeared' before it reaches the plate. Azhar Sulaiman bought some serious firecrackers and began blasting them as early as 8pm.. err.. I think he was more excited with Mercun than the kids.

Needless to say, as in all previous years, 2011 ended with a big huge Hooyah !! Never once did any years passesby with a regret, for every year there was always a plan. Whether the plan works or fail is secondary but life without trying or experimenting is not worth living. Moving forward, this year ... is a new page, new chapter and a new book. The ending or conclusion of this book is for us to write. We determine how this year is going to end. To achieve every year's resolution, we must have the right focus. This reminded me of the "Walk on Fire" motivational talk by Anthony Robbin that I attended during my final year university way back in 1994 in Birmingham. I had to save portion of my scholarship for a year just to buy the very expensive ticket but it was well worth it. Since then, whenever I feel the need to re-energized, I will turn back to the book "Awaken the Giant Within". I read hundreds of other motivational books during those undergraduate studies and even now but somehow, my chemistry was best with Anthony Robbin.  To focus on achieving our new year resolution, please see the short video below.

LIFE WAS AS SIMPLE AS A BAGPACK FULL OF FRIENDS

I could not help but to ponder how much simpler life was during those childhood days. Those were the days when we can pack our friends into our bag pack to go to any places. I can smile stupidly all alone flashing back Aaraf's adorable words when he say "Dad, can I bring along my 10 friends to Penang? and showed me his friends nicely tucked into his backpack....

Hmm.. I wonder if I can tucked and fit all my ten friends Nawal Aini Zulkifli, Rose Emini Pahamin, Dr Malek Aziz, Farhanah Bamadhaj, Daing Daniel Fitri, Mohd Azhari, Cheah Boon Chong, Wan Hazriq, Suresh, Ridz and Moji into my luggage for a working oversea trip tomorrow.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY PAHAMINS.. VERY LAMB'ILICIOUS NIGHT

23 JULY is a historical date when the Pahamins officially ended their single, wild, bachelor-hood and became hot, crazy and fabulous couple instead. This year, 2011 is mine & Melor Edina Pahamin 11th year anniversary, Chempaka Emalin Pahamin's 16th year anniversary, Teratai Edithy Pahamin's 6th year and my parent's 41st year anniversary. Only Rose Emini Pahamin & Amnan Bazli Pahamin that are still single mingle.

Much has been said in previous blogs on our past anniversaries, so this year will be more precise and specific. Click: 2009-Anniversary, 2010-Anniversary.

Pahamin Rajab & Zainab Mohamad @ 1970. 

They akad nikah at my Grand mother's house at Padang Pak Amat, Pasir Puteh Kelantan and held their reception ala kampung style at the same venue for 2 days and 2 nights.

25 years later....

Azhar Sulaiman & Chempaka Emalin Pahamin @ 1995

They akad nikah at our house in Kelana Jaya, Petaling Jaya Selangor and held their reception at Dewan Merak Kayangan, Jalan Gurney Kuala Lumpur

HAPPY 63rd BIRTHDAY ZAINAB PAHAMIN

Two weeks in United States of America, a month in London and finally she touched down at KLIA on 11 July, her Birthday!! We secretly whispered to her personal driver to drive her straight from KLIA to Bangsar where all her gorgeous children (except Sista Docta Teratai Edithy & hubby Sharul Asari) were waiting to welcome her back and sing the Birthday song. Zainab Mohamad... Zainab Pahamin my mum!! ..... turned  63 years old today and Alhamdulillah she is still healthy to live her joy in travelling.

At 63 years old, what would be the most understanding and the kindest women wants in life? What is her biggest achievement? What is her dream? What does she wants that she has not achieved?

Zainab Mohamad dream came true when she successfully gather all her children (and in-laws) to live under the same roof and compound. To live together with her children, grand children and maybe one day, with her great grand children was once only real in Hindustan movie or Hollywood drama Dallas. To gather all her six children and their spouses under one roof was a challenge but to live harmoniously with each other is another god's gift. Such is the role of the Chief Executive of Pahamins family. She is very generous with her love and care. She endlessly pampers and mothers us all and have it her way, she would want to still cook for all her family members. Although all of us have grown up and she does not need to but she still does our weekly grocery shopping. oops.. shame on us.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY 2011

19 June 2011, Father's day!! Yes.. It is the day we celebrate and honor us fathers, fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society. Father's Day is celebrated on the third Sunday of June in Malaysia and many countries but not necessarily the same elsewhere.

What does it take to be a father? I mean, of course it involved that hardwork.... err... you know that thing we do successfully before we can be elevated into fatherhood, but what does it really take to be a father? Yes, it takes a lot of responsibility, perseverance, patient and love especially in raising a challenging and rebellious child like me.

The values from my upbringing is what had shaped me into being what I am today and insya allah, how I will be towards my children now and in the future. So what are those values?

Of course I cant list them all now.. how can I, its a lifetime of memoirs to write but on every Father's day since last year, I hope to cherish some moments I had with father. Click HERE for last year's Father's Day.

It is always best to cherish our parent now while they are still alive before it is too late. My cousin Arman Mahadi's worst regret in life was when he never had that father & son bond with his dad before his dad passed away when he was 26 years old. Nawal Aini Zulkifli too misses her dad whom whom lost the battle against cancer when she was in her late teens. They.. We wondered how our father would think of us if they see us being a father too.

CAMPING AT DAMANSARA SPECIALIST HOSPITAL

Barely a month ago, Father was admitted at the Hospital for some heart problem, last week on Friday, Melor Edina Pahamin was admitted and treated for Urinary Tract Infection and was suppose to be discharged today until Dato Dr Kamil discovered a 1cm stone that requires a surgery.

Unbeknown to Melor Edina Pahamin, a lawyer and the third in our sibling had already packed to self-discharged herself from the Hospital after 5 days in admission. The Doctor found a 1 cm stone and they cannot remove the stone without operation. So Melor Edina was scheduled to go under the knife at 4pm today.

While Mohamed Rhiza Ghazi, the husband was restless the whole period but the dad...... Pahamin A Rajab... comfortably sleeping, waiting for Melor Edina to be escorted to the Operation Theatre.

BIRTHDAY GREETING FROM A SISTER.

My long not lost but far away sister, Dr Teratai Edithy Pahamin whom has been living in London for more than 14 years had missed celebrating my birthday for as long as I can remember but never missed to buy me card and present every year. She was back in Malaysia for a week to care for father whom was admitted at the IJN and will leave back to London tomorrow a day after my departure to oversea for work. She waited at my house to give me this card and a big huge hug just in time before I rushed out to the airport this afternoon... how sweet. Now,  reading Ta's card and blogging it at the airport.. Thanks darling Ta. I love you always... (i love the wordings in the card).